


Weapons of Love and Hate

by mrspadrona



Category: Firefly
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Broken people, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, No Serenity Movie, Psychological Disorders, Trust Issues, violence begets violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-06-24 00:05:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15618000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrspadrona/pseuds/mrspadrona
Summary: Their lives should never have intersected.She'd been raised in a privileged family, destined to marry well. He'd been born dirt-poor to a single mother and had to fight for everything he ever got.When her life is irrevocably altered, it puts the two of them on a collision course that can only end one of two ways.Did you bring a blade to a gunfight?





	1. Chapter 1

Gabriel and Regan Tam were wealthy, and they spared no expense when it came to their children, Simon and River. The very best education, the best clothing, friends were carefully screened to ensure they were the right kinds of friends, and their schedules were carefully managed by their mother. She made sure they weren’t exposed to any unsavory elements or people; pristine children that would grow up to improve the social standing of the entire Tam clan. Money, unfortunately for the Tams, did not always mean inclusion in the upper echelon of society.

Simon was to be a surgeon. He spent his studies learning everything to do with anatomy, physiology, and biology. When he wasn’t studying, his parents encouraged him to take up running. It was safe enough, according to them, because there was very little chance of injury to his hands, which Simon would need to become a surgeon. His diet was carefully controlled, keeping him away from sweets and processed foods, to keep him trim. His life was planned, from birth to death, and that was all Simon Tam knew of life.

River Tam was born several years after her brother. Unlike her brother, however, River was destined to be the wife of a diplomat or an Ambassador. Her mother groomed her from her first breath, reminding her always to be docile and sweet. She was encouraged to be educated (but not so much as Simon) so that her future husband would benefit from her ability to charm and impress others on his behalf. Her mother hired tailors and dressmakers to provide a wardrobe to River; never being seen in the same outfit more than twice. She was taken to dancing lessons, where she excelled and taught proper etiquette by a Companion hired by her parents. Her life was planned, birth to marriage, and that was all River Tam knew of life.

Radiant Cobb gave birth to her son, Jayne, in a full roar. Her _baak ci_ of a husband had up and died while she’d been in labor and there was nothing for her to do but get through it on her own. The medical center would turn her away; they were too poor to afford a surgeon. Thankfully, Jayne was in just as much of a rush to get out as she was to have him out; her labor lasted less than three hours. And when she looked him in the eye for the first time, Radiant Cobb fell in love. He had a scowl on his face that softened to a smile as soon as she brought him closer to her face and she kissed the top of his head.

“It’s just you and me, _gui ji_ ,” she whispered against his brow, “but that’s all we’ll ever need.”

Jayne Cobb was as fast with his fist as he was with his mouth. Before he’d turned ten, he’d been in trouble with the Alliance a few times and had caused his mother no end of entertainment and grief. He’d learned to fight by getting his ass kicked in fights with boys twice his size; skills he then sold to those that were younger and smaller in the form of protection. The money he earned from protecting them went straight to his mother, so they could buy rations and supplies. When at home, his mother taught him learnin’ stuff so he wouldn’t get screwed over because Radiant Cobb knew her son was going to grow up to be someone that could be respected; even if it was only at the other end of a gun. His life had no plan, save that he wanted to provide for his _Maa_ and that was how he got from day to day.


	2. Chapter 2

When word reached the Tam family that a prospective suitor, from an exceedingly well-connected family, was interested in meeting with River, Regan and Gabriel were ecstatic. This was a good family, with a solid reputation and opportunities. River smiled politely while her parents planned her trip down to the last breath, unsure if this was something she wanted or not. The family was quite well known, but she wasn’t even supposed to debut in society for another eighteen months. Technically no one should know who she is, let alone be inquiring after her. Her brother, Simon, had pointed this fact out to their parents but had been overruled.

“Of course they know our River. She’s the very best dancer in her course, she excels in all her studies, and she is genteel and well mannered,” Gabriel had explained to his son. “By all means, she is the perfect wife, and their son is on a path to greatness, Simon. You would do well to pay attention to such things so you might land a bride half as good.”

That night, River had snuck into Simon’s room and curled up next to him on his bed.

“It’s okay, Simon. I’ll only be gone for the two days, and then I’ll be back. They probably just want to make sure I don’t eat with my mouth open,” she’d teased.

“I’ll miss you, _mui mui_ ,” he’d answered.

“You’ll be so busy trying to correct your own mistakes on your work you won’t have time to miss me.” Her laugh was sweet and infectious, leading to Simon laughing alongside her. She remained with him until he fell asleep and then she snuck back to her own room. Her things were packed, and there was nothing left to do except sleep. Her eyes closed as she rested her head against the pillow and she was dreaming before her next breath.

##

“River, it’s been six months. What are you doing? Where are you? I miss you.”

Doctor Matias sighed as he crumpled the note up and set it in the fireplace. Almost daily now, a letter came from that _gik sei_ brother, pleading for a response. He acknowledged that soon he was going to have to have her write another letter home. But that meant pulling her from the experiment, which would cost him dearly. They were so close now, able to dig deep into her psyche and implant the conditioned responses via electrotransfer. She would be perfect. A well trained, obedient, yet ruthless assassin for the Matias house in the upcoming war. She could move among the best and worst of society, gathering information in as much as she could be sent out to slit the throat of someone that threatened Doctor Matias’ family. River had been chosen because she appeared frail but was, in fact, quite strong. She’d been brought to his attention by his sister, who had trained young Miss Tam in dancing. She’d also begun training River to fight, while still calling it dancing, and Doctor Mathias had built upon that training.

When she’d first arrived, the girl had been wide-eyed and impressed with the library he’d shown her. He’d been careful to avoid any indication of inappropriateness, even going so far as to assign her a suite of rooms at the opposite end of the house from his own. He’d presented her to his “son” Berend the following morning at breakfast, who in reality was nothing more than a bastard that lived in his home. He’d used the boy to lure the Tam girl and would use the Tam girl as a prize for the boy, once she was fully trained. By the end of the weekend, the doctor knew there was no way he was letting her go back to her family. He invited her to remain longer, promising a luxurious dinner party and an introduction to some of the other ladies in society. She wrote to her parents, who immediately agreed, and after that, he was free to do with River what he pleased. He could copy enough of her handwriting to send missives home and keep them updated on her engagement.

##

“Father, I know something is wrong!”

“Simon, lower your voice,” his father hissed in response.

“Father, look at this. Look at the last letter that came in. When did we go to the Haleg for a wedding last year? Haleg burnt down five years ago!”

“Simon, she’s probably just confused. She’s a young girl, being romanced by a lovely boy in a very impressive family. You should be glad she’s so happy, and they like her,” Gabriel countered.

“Father, are you really going to stand there and tell me that you don’t think there’s something wrong?”

“Simon, I’m not only going to tell you there’s nothing wrong, but I’m also going to give you a piece of advice. The Mathias family has resources all over, and if you allow your paranoia to get the better of you, I sincerely doubt they would write a recommendation for you as a surgeon. Do you want to be stuck in a clinic when you could be running the Medical Center?”

Simon stared at his parents, unable to believe what he was hearing. Letters had infrequently come from his sister, and they had become more and more disjointed with each one. Claiming activities they’d never done, events they’d never attended, and even fights they’d never had. At first, he’d brushed it off as well; she was barely sixteen, and girls her age were sometimes prone to forgetfulness. (he willfully ignored the fact that River was preternaturally intelligent and had been correcting his homework for him since she’d turned five) With the second letter, it had been harder to ignore because she spoke of the time they’d been playing in the garden (they didn’t have a garden) and she’d fallen and broken her leg (River never fell, let alone broken something). The third, fourth, and fifth letters were much the same but this, the sixth letter home, had cemented it for him.

The Haleg had terrified him as a child. The large, blue building with it’s imposing turrets, and poor lighting had given him nightmares for years. River was the one who came to him at night and curled around him, promising to protect him from the demons. For her to mention it meant she was trying to get a message out. There was something terribly wrong, and he had only himself to count on.


	3. Chapter 3

Jayne Cobb liked the captain and crew he was riding with well enough. When he’d first met Captain Malcolm Reynolds, he’d been at the business end of Vera. Jayne and his associates were plannin’ on robbing the cargo Mal had just stolen from someone else. When he’d offered Jayne a job, with a five percent increase on his cut, the gun had swung to his partners and the bullet went clean through his melon. As he holstered it, he’d asked, “How big a room?” Now he was in his own bunk on a boat that travelled across the stars and rarely stopped in the kinds of places that the Alliance would be lookin’ … which was just how Jayne like it. Hired muscle had a tendency to get on the radar of them gorram feds. And he wasn’t a fan of them boxes they put hired muscle into. He was even willin’ to risk the Reavers to avoid ‘em.

When they hit Persephone and that _si fat lung_ Badger finally paid them for the cargo, Jayne had a little joy in his step. He took the time to visit one of his favorite whores (men like Jayne couldn’t afford Companions and, even if he could, they’d never choose him) but she had moved on. “Don’t it figure. First sign of coin and not a whore to be found,” he mumbled to himself as he walked back towards Serenity. His good mood of a few minutes ago had evaporated and he stomped onto the ship, grunted at the passengers they was apparently takin’ along, and slammed down into his bunk. If he couldn’t have his whore, at least he had Vera. He set about cleanin’ her to set his mind at ease.

##

When they was sittin’ down to meal, Jayne was shocked to see actual food. Fresh fruit and vegetables. Hell there was even a potato lookin’ thing that if he closed his eyes, he could pretend was a potato. An old potato, but a potato anyway.  While they was eatin’ he took the time to survey the new faces and check the weather on the familiar ones. Mal, Zoe, and Wash were laughin over somethin while Kaylee was makin moon eyes at one of the passengers. Inara never joined them for meal and that was okay with Jayne too. He liked her well enough but when he was around her, he felt small and unworthy. And that just made him angry and lash out. Which usually ended up with him gettin’ the captain on his ass.

For the new folk, Jayne took note of the preacher what brought them the food. He remembered to say thanks, like his _Maa_ taught him and even put his head down to respect the man when he wanted to say grace. There was another guy, squirrely fella that Jayne made a note to keep an eye on, and the one Kaylee was payin’ all her attention to. He seemed like one of them folk that looked down on people like the Serenity crew, all prissy and usin fancy manners. Jayne hated him right off. Which is why he made a point to insult the man and score a few points off Kaylee. His chest hurt a little when he saw the gleam of tears in her eyes but it was better to get it out of the way now. He wasn’t surprised when the captain banished him to his bunk. Again.

##

He was writin home to his Maa when he heard the commotion in the cargo hold. Any time he heard a hint of a fight, he liked to be in the middle of it so he was headin that way when he ran into Kaylee, headin’ in the same direction. She’d just stepped through the bulkhead when Jayne heard the shot. His hand reached for his own weapon before he’d identified who fired. And his eyesight went red when he saw little Kaylee go down. He mighta picked on her a little too often but that’s what you did with a _mui mui_. Big brothers picked on little sisters. And that fidgety little fucker was holdin’ a gun, which made him the shooter. Jayne closed the distance in three strides but he wasn’t fast enough. The preacher laid mother humper down in two strikes and disarmed him. Jayne was dimly aware of the chaos surrounding Kaylee but his focus was on the man that had hurt her. And how many different ways he could peel the man’s skin from his bones. He’d have been impressed with the preacher if he hadn’ta stopped Jayne’s fun. Though he was secretly impressed when he didn’t flinch at the business end of the gun. Instead, Jayne took the fed and tied him up before goin to hang around outside the Med room; watchin to make sure Kaylee pulled through. If she didn’t, nothin’ in the ‘verse would stop him from taking his sweet time on that fed.

##

Jayne was half hopin’ the chest the doctor brought with him was full of coin or, at least, somethin’ valuable. His hopes really went up when all that smoke and stuff came tumblin’ out (he remembered goin to the tumblers with his Maa) but then, instead of coin, out popped a slip of a thing with long dark hair, no clothes, and screamin her gorram head off. Jayne was tempted to kick the doctor just because it made his head hurt when she screamed. If there were somethin Jayne hated more than rich kids, it was slavers. He was about to lay the doctor out for bein a piece of shit slaver when he was slippin’ free of Jayne’s hold and comforting the screamin’ girl. Then the bomb dropped; she was his sister. But why would he have his sister in cold storage?

The answer came later, as they all gathered in the kitchen. Simon explained that she’d been contacted by a family that had a son they were looking to make a match. Jayne almost managed to contain his snort of amusement. The murder look from Zoe silenced him.

“I haven’t seen my sister in three years. She was supposed to go for two days and that family kept her for three years.” Simon’s expression never changed but a trained ear could hear the rage in his voice. Jayne was familiar with that rage.

“I don’t know what they did to her. I don’t know what’s wrong but I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to help her. However I can. Because I should have done something or said something. I should have protected her.”

Jayne went back to his bunk after they’d spoken. He lay down in his bed, closed his eyes, and was unconscious less than a minute later.

##

Jayne had just finished up his disappointing talk with Lawrence (you’da thought a fed could come up with a better deal than that) when he heard Mal come over the comm. His blood froze in his veins and he rushed for his bunk, eager to have Vera in his hands. Reavers were the one thing that Jayne Cobb feared; the only thing most days. His balls tightened up and his gut felt hot and loose, like he was about to shit himself. The whole ship was silent as a grave; no one dared to make a sound. His hands shook as he loaded his weapon with six shots; one for each member of the crew, includin Inara. It was a mighty humblin’ experience to be holdin the piece that you was plannin on smearin your brains on the bunk wall with, but then again, the idea of the Reavers gettin’ any of ‘em was terrifying. He waited by the entrance to his bunk, weapon in hand, for news that they was bein’ boarded or they was safe. He wasn’t entirely sure he breathed but he knew his heart was beating because it was the loudest thing on this fuckin’ boat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to @Crazykrew616 for apparently kicking #Albert into gear.

The first time she woke, her senses went from dead to alive in the moment between one heartbeat and the next. She didn’t recognize anything, couldn’t sense anything familiar, and she had a moment where she thought it was another experiment. The element of surprise was her only weapon, and she came up screaming, hoping to distract her captors. No sooner was she clear of the box, and she felt her brother’s presence. It had been so long since she’d been near him she almost forgot the way he felt in her heart. He rushed to her; calling her name back from the brink of madness that the experiment would have her believe is the truth. When his arms closed around her, she allowed him to hold her. Simon would always protect her. She collapsed in his arms, tucked into his chest like the child she had once been. For the first time in years, the first time in her memory, she felt safe. She could smell daffodils at the back of her throat, and she giggled to herself; daffodils grew even in the most inhospitable climates, reminding River of a faint taste of hope.

When she woke again, Simon was nowhere nearby, but she could smell two others. The one closest to her was metallic strawberries; warmth, and sunshine even in the dark of space. The other reminded her of jasmine, bringing with it memories of Berend and the years she spent learning to dance.  River’s eyes opened, and she saw a girl on a med table that looked at her with wide hazel-colored eyes. River could see the warmth of her heart, brimming with innocence and joy under the palpable fear and pain. River wanted to smile and comfort her but couldn’t remember how to smile. Instead, she headed for the mechanical door and readied to find her brother. Simon was safe, and he would know what to do. She’d barely gotten a step out of the room, and jasmine was upon her. He had a gun to her head, and he threatened the strawberry girl if she made any noise. River watched her sink back down into the table, but she could also see the defiance in the girl. Something was stopping her from fighting; a buzz in her brain. She couldn’t think past it to know what to do.  

He was marching her across the boat storage deck, his intention clear as she saw the outside. The buzz in her head was louder now, causing her to whimper. He was rushing her towards the exit, and the fear was overwhelming everything. She couldn’t think. Couldn’t get past the fear. River realized the alarm wasn’t just jasmine; there was something deeper inside her head. Something that felt primal, fight or flight. Jasmine would hurt Simon. He would destroy the people that helped Simon. He would cut the girl that smelled like metal and sunshine. But that was all he could do. Return her to Berend and his endless, painful, dancing lessons. Whatever was out there could hurt them so much more. She could smell hunger and blood, the faint echo of screams that came with their ship. She wanted to get away; she needed them to leave and not return before they couldn’t get away.

Before even River could react, the one that smelled of daffodils strode up the deck and fired once, ending the smell of jasmine. The boat was a flurry of activity as they moved from one place to the next. On the breeze, she caught the taste of something warm. Something delicious. Like apples dipped in sweet nectar and rolled in the sun. She didn’t know where it came from, but she tucked it away. She wanted to drench herself in it like the threat wished to soak themselves in blood. The Companion (tangerines and roses) took her to a shuttle and sat at the controls. River knew the panic and, now that her mind was no longer separated from two sides, a memory bubbled to the surface. Dancing. She would dance with everyone on the boat to save them from the death and rot that followed them on the ship behind them.

##

As the weeks wore on, after the incident at Whitefall, River tried to assimilate into the life on Serenity. She stayed out of the way of the crew, not sure how to interact with regular people anymore. Her mind would play tricks on her, and sometimes, she wouldn’t know if she was awake or asleep. Memories and dreams, some of them her own, others planted by someone else, haunted her no matter the time of day or night. She took to memorizing what everyone smelled like to steady herself. Memories didn’t have a smell. She found the captain (bad) was the daffodil, Inara (the Companion) was tangerines (her shuttle was the roses). The girl that smelled like metallic strawberries was Kaylee. The apples had surprised her because she felt as safe around that as she did Simon. The smell of sweet apple was Jayne, and he was a dancer. She could see it in the way he moved. She wondered if she would dance with him someday. Shepherd Book was paper and ink, Zoe was spice and gunpowder. The funny man who flew the boat, Wash, always smelled like autumn.

Sometimes her nightmares would wake her up, leave her gasping for breath as she clung to the sheets of her bunk. Other times, she’d be stuck in her nightmares, reliving her training. Those were the dreams that troubled her the most. Dreams of hunting and hurting, killing and torture. She didn’t know if they were her dreams or if they were someone else’s memories, planted in her brain by someone. Someone she couldn’t identify. Whenever she tried to think of who they were, the name skittered away. Simon helped in his own way. He would help her to sleep and try to talk about what she had been through, but he couldn’t understand the depth of what she had experienced. Even she didn’t know all of it, and she had been there!

 


	5. Chapter 5

On the nights River couldn’t sleep, and Simon’s medicine didn’t work, she would find her way up to the captain’s chair or down to the cargo bay. Either was as peaceful as the other but her needs dictated where she went. Sometimes she liked to sit next to the captain and watch the stars, and other times, she preferred to go down to the cargo hold and dance. It had been almost a year since she and Simon had joined the crew of Serenity, and during that time she had discovered that when she wasn’t being forced to do it, she actually enjoyed dancing. Muscle memory taught her the steps, and she improved upon them with self-examination. She couldn’t dance when someone was watching, whether in person or via vid screens. The first time the captain had “checked” on her, River had felt his eyes on her as though he were right there in the cargo bay with her. She’d stopped and raced her way back up to her bunk, her heart slamming like a hummingbird in her chest. She clung to the sheets, her skin breaking out in a cold sweat and the visions coming back as strong as ever. She could see him … the man who broke her mind … she could smell the jasmine on his breath. Her hand closed around the handle of the old-fashioned broom she’d taken from one of the planets they’d visited. No one ever asked why she had the things she had; everything from dusty antiques to an odd, eclectic collection of what Zoe called “nik naks.” The truth was far more comforting to someone like River and more terrifying for those who shared space with her if they knew. Every item in her bunk was a weapon of one kind or another. Part of her broken brain had been filled with the knowledge of how to use anything as a weapon as well as how to identify a good potential use for anything handy.

When Simon came for her later that night, bringing with him the medicine to help her sleep, she was almost feral with terror. The bunk door had opened, and she was curled in the space behind where the steps came down. The length of broom handle had been replaced with mittens and socks on her hands and feet that had been lined with a fine metal mesh that could stun a man when struck. If anyone but Simon had come down those steps, she would have taught them how to dance. She wouldn’t be brought back. She wouldn’t go. If the captain had seen her, now he knew what she was capable of, and that was dangerous. Everyone who knew wanted to bring her back. The time she and Simon had spent on the outside of Serenity while the Alliance had searched top to bottom had taught her that. Instead, however, it was Simon who came down the steps, and she allowed herself to relax.

She shed her mittens and socks silently before creeping free of the corner. Simon wouldn’t understand the need for weapons, and he might try to take them from her. She loved her brother and didn’t want to hurt him, even by accident. River didn’t always trust her reactions to things, and it was better to protect him from his own instinct in this case. He was holding a small medkit, and she knew it contained the medicine that would help her to relax. The problem was that River didn’t want to sleep. She needed to get lost in her own brain and try to fix what was broken. To get back to who she was and help the Serenity like everyone else.

“River, I’d like to help you,” Simon implored, his smile sad.

“A girl doesn’t need help. A girl needs solitude,” she answered, hoping he understood.

“What do you need to be alone for? How can I help you, River?”

She sighed as she looked at him, seeing the earnest expression on his face along with the frustration just behind his eyes. She wished she could explain … that she could make him understand. River reached for his hand and put it on her temple, meeting his eyes before speaking.

“Simon, I’m broken. They broke something inside of me and being alone helps me to not feel broken.”

“You aren’t broken, River. Nothing can break you.”

The laughter that escaped her lips sounded bitter, even to her own ears. She wanted to cry when she saw her brother recoil from the sound.

“I just want to dance, Simon. Just let me dance.”

##

Three days. It took three days for her to feel comfortable enough to leave her bunk after everyone else went to sleep. She crept her way along the gangways and steps until she was standing at the entrance to the pilot cabin. Her stomach flipped over itself a few times as she looked at the back of the captain’s head, unsure if she wanted to be here.

“Come have a seat, _meimei_ ,” he offered, and she allowed herself to shuffle forward and settle into her co-pilot chair. She stared out at the stars, not sure of what to say.

“I’m figurin’ I did somethin’ you ain’t really keen on. You wanna tell me what has you so skittish?”

“I want to dance.”

“What’s stoppin’ you?”

River risked a glance over at him, finding his attention squarely on the stars in front of them. She also knew he was watching her watch him as well. She took a deep breath, trying to think of a way to tell him what she needed.

“Can’t watch. When they broke my head, always they watched. They watched, and they watched. It hurts that way. I want to dance just for dance.”

His body posture relaxed, and she had a moment of happiness when she recognized that she’d spoken correct. He turned his eyes to hers and offered a conspiratorial smile.

“I’m mightily sorry that I stopped you from dancin’, Miss River. I can’t promise that the vid screen won’t occasionally pick you up down there; it’s just how the security works. But I promise, on my word as a soldier, I will never intentionally watch you,” his tone was serious, and she could see his promise as bright as she could look at the stars in front of them.

She nodded in response and smiled. “A girl has to dance to keep people safe.”

She didn’t miss the confusion in his eyes as she stood from the chair and went to her bunk.


	6. Chapter 6

Jayne liked the crew he was servin’ with just fine. He didn’t so much like when they took on passengers, and he especially didn’t care for those passengers what stayed on beyond their fare. So, when that _bèn rén_ doctor and his _fēngzi_ psychopath joined the crew a year ago, Jayne made sure to make himself scarce. He’d found a space, tucked away near the ceiling at the joint of two gangways, and it was the perfect place to hide away from everything while still keeping his eyes on the deck. Sometimes, he went up there to write to his Maa (superstition kept him from writin’ in his bunk) and other times, it was to relax long after the crew went to sleep.

Late one evening, he happened to look up from where he was writing home and was surprised to see the doctor’s sister in the cargo hold. A year on, now he knew she wasn’t to blame for most of what happened, and he’d accepted her as part of the crew in the same capacity as her brother and Book. They was like family, but from far off. You could trust ‘em to have your back in a fight, but you wouldn’t go tellin’ ‘em all your secrets either. He hadn’t heard her come in, but she always was a quiet one, even when she was swayin’ and whirlin’ like she was now. He couldn’t make no sense of it, but he sat still and watched her for a minute, trying to figure it out. If he was bein’ honest, she looked like she was dancin’ alone, and he had to wonder if she’d finally dropped her last dumpling. He checked to see if she had anything on her feet that helped quiet her steps only to find she was barefooted. Five minutes into her dancing, just as somethin’ familiar tickled the back of his brain, the girl stopped. For a second, Jayne was readying to jump down, guns blazing. The look on her face reminded him too much of his own expression whenever they encountered Reavers. If something could put that expression on River Tam, Jayne Cobb wanted no part of it. He looked around the hold, making a point to look down at where her gaze was centered, but there weren’t nothin’ there. He was scratchin’ his head, trying to make out what had her so scared, when she turned and ran. Jayne climbed down after she’d taken off and went to the spot she’d been standing. The only thing he saw was a vid screen.

Jayne kept a closer eye on the girl over the followin’ few days, waitin’ to see if she had another fit. She seemed to go to her bunk after the Last meal and stayed there. He’d about stopped caring by the third night and had instead gone back to his gangway, when she showed back up again, this time carryin’ one of them old sweepers. Now his interest was piqued again, and he leaned forward, quiet as a breeze, to watch what she did. If she started dancin’ that sweeper across the deck, he was never gonna let her live that down. At first, that’s exactly what she looked like she was doing and Jayne smirked to himself as he thought of the torment he could hold over her head. As he watched, however, he recognized what she was doing. She wasn’t dancin’ and she sure as shit wasn’t sweepin’. She was fighting!

Jayne knew she could swing a bullet, but what he was watchin’ right there was bare-knuckle brawlin’. He had cause to wonder where a slip of a girl from a _fùyù_ family would know such a thing, and he added it to the list in his head of things that made her just downright odd. When she reached for the broom, he realized she was using it as a weapon; striking and blocking against an imaginary opponent. Her movements were fluid, and it was hard for his eyes to keep up with where she was, but he couldn’t stop watching her either. The way River struck and deflected, Jayne could almost see her opponent in the way she moved her body. When she crouched low, he wanted to get into her blind spot to protect her while she was down; only to realize she moved before he could have even taken a breath. He watched as she stumbled over move he recognized, and then immediately corrected as if she were made of air and water. When he caught sight of her face, he swallowed as hard as if he were standin’ naked in front of a Companion; shocked to his core and unsure of what to do.

River Tam was smilin’. Not the grimace she wore around everyone else, and not the smile she plastered on for her brother, but a real smile. It was one of the most beautiful things Jayne had ever seen.

Which also made it the most terrifying.


	7. Chapter 7

River stood in the shadows of the entrance to the cargo bay, eyes peering into every corner. Captain Mal had promised he wouldn’t watch her yesterday, and she had believed him, but the cargo bay didn’t feel empty like it had a few days ago. Something was here, but it wasn’t a threat, and it didn’t feel dangerous. She was cautious as she stepped into the room, eyes scanning her surroundings as much as possible without giving away what she was doing. A glance upward revealed a recognizable shadow, and she relaxed slightly. Jayne was a predator, much like herself, and she had seen him dance in the past. He was fiercely protective over their little family, despite how vocally he complained, and she had seen him face down a Reaver to save her the last time they had crossed stars. River was aware of his fear; she could smell it on him whenever they had run across the madmen at the end of the ‘Verse. But still, he’d protected her in spite of how afraid he’d been, and that was something she would never forget. She shifted her focus to her dance, leaving a tiny piece of it on the man in the ceiling in case he tried to spook her.

Her limbs stretched, and her body moved with each step of the dance; every opponent falling before her, released from their madness and rage by her hand. Her nose could still smell the stench of rotted and scarred flesh sewn together with sinew, and the look in their eyes was devoid of anything but madness. She gave them freedom from their insanity by tethering the hold it had on their minds and bodies. As each Reaver fell, a pinpoint of despair was loosened in her mind. Something about them resonated within her broken brain, but she attributed that to having encountered them three times in the last twelve months; each time close enough that their fetid breath was recognizable. She could almost feel each one of them in her mind, screaming in pain and anguish, but she didn’t know how to stop it.

Meanwhile, there were pockets of rebellion forming across the core planets. Uprisings of citizens against the Alliance, people who had suffered at the hands of the aristocracy, were happening everywhere and Serenity was actively engaged in helping however she could. Their last out had included four stowaways that were being relocated to a terraformed planet on the other side of the ‘Verse after they’d broken into an Alliance facility and broke a prisoner free. The ‘prisoner’ had been a twelve-year-old girl that had thrown a slipper at an Alliance official when he’d been walking past. River and Simon had both hoped they could get information on what had been done to River while on Osiris, but that hope had been empty when it was discovered Berend and his father had been killed in an earlier uprising, and their home had been sacked. There were no files on the core database, nothing in the clinic files, and the Matias family had no other branches. Whatever had been done to River would remain a mystery, and that was something she was coming to understand. Dancing was the only thing that allowed her to relax and not feel so broken.

She imagined her opponents as she ducked and whirled, the sweeper becoming an extension of her own body as much as her arms or legs. She dodged, skittering away from a blow from a Reaver ax, only to come up behind and sever his head from the rest of him. She could hear Jayne above her, the whisper quiet groan of metal giving away his movements, and she almost stumbled but quickly righted herself. She had to concentrate, or she would not be able to dance when it was needed. She raised her leg, scissoring the last with a kick to the jaw and then twisting its head between her ankles. She was slightly sweaty, and her breath was uneven, but she closed her eyes and smiled. For another night, she had done her best to improve her dance. A deep breath into her lungs cleared the memory of Reaver stench, but it also brought with it the smell of sugared apples. When she opened her eyes, he was gone from where he’d been, and she couldn’t feel him in the room.

River gathered up her sweeper, straightened out anything out of place, and padded her way through the ship until she was at her bunk. She hummed to herself as she changed from her dress to her nightshirt, taking the time to braid her hair like Inara had taught her, and checked on her weapons before climbing under the sheet and closing her eyes.

##

For the next three months, at least twice a week if not more, River could be found dancing in the cargo bay instead of watching the stars on the nights she couldn’t sleep. She stretched and practiced, incorporating different steps and discarding others as her style evolved. She practiced her dance with the sweeper, as well as with other weapons that were easily found, but never with a blade or a gun. She could use them both if she had access, but she had no access to a knife on Serenity, and a gun was just as a last resort. Occasionally, instead of dancing, she would work on what had been referred to as her limber movement. No weapon, no opponent. Just the sweep of her arms and legs in arcs and volleys designed to keep her muscles tone. It had been what the dance instructor had taught her from the first day of lessons, and it had stayed with her. Her teacher had called it cardiovascular conditioning, but Simon had told her it was called boxing. Either way, it was fun, and it helped with her rhythm when she danced.

One morning, after a night spent co-piloting Serenity, River had gone to the mess for some breakfast and tea, only to find Jayne eating alone at the table. She managed four eggs, boiled runny, and a cup of tea before sitting opposite him and passing two of the eggs to him.

“Thought you might be hungry,” she stated, her tone matter-of-fact. The man grunted as he took a bite out of the first egg, and she saw the momentary happiness in his eyes. Fresh eggs were a rarity this far out in the black, but Book had struck a deal with a farmer a few planets back. He’d traded some goods and returned with six freshly-hatched chickens. They were waiting for the chicks to grow and start laying eggs on their own, but for now, the crew sparingly used the two dozen eggs another farmer had given to the captain for protecting his farm from Alliance forces.

“Thanks,” he answered, biting into the egg and smiling as the yolk ran free and dribbled across his chin.

“You are welcome.”

The two sat in companionable silence for another ten minutes before Kaylee and Inara came to the mess for their own morning tea. Jayne stood from the table and muttered something about needing to go to work. Before River could draw her next breath, he was gone into the bowels of the ship.


	8. Chapter 8

When Captain Mal announced Serenity would be docking at Eavesdown Docks in Persephone for a few days of rest while they refueled, River had been excited. She was excited to visit the abbey where Shepherd Book grew his strawberries, but she was most looking forward to seeing Helene again. When she’d been growing up, Helene had been the Companion her parents had hired to teach her what she’d need to know about society. Helene had been the first to show her dancing, dressing, and how to charm a room. She’d also told a slightly older River about what it was to be like between a man and woman, though she doubted her parents had known about those lessons. When she and Inara had spoken while they were flying through the stars, River had confided in the Companion about her upbringing. Inara had checked, and Helene had settled on Persephone some years ago and had reached out to the older woman. A meeting was promised for the morning after they landed, giving River enough time to dredge up what memories she could to find an appropriate outfit. Most of what she wore on the ship would be considered insulting if she were to arrive at Helene’s wearing them. Luckily, Inara had invited River to her shuttle, and they spent the four days leading up to the landing finding just the right thing for her to wear. Modest without being prissy, complimentary to her figure without being seductive, and appropriate to her age (River was no longer the fourteen-year-old girl she had been when she’d last seen Helene).

The morning of the meeting, River had bathed in rose-scented water and affixed her hair in a twist that pinched at the base of her neck in a similar style to how her mother had once worn her own. She wrapped her clothes around her, tucking the fabric where it was slightly larger than her frame in such a way that it gave her the appearance of height instead of width. She wore soft-soled slippers on her feet (never mind they were the same that had the mesh lining), and when Inara offered her a subtle paint of shine to her lips, River was elated. By instinct, her spine straightened, and she carried herself as Helene had once so painstakingly drilled into her brain. When Inara showed her what she looked like, River had gasped. Where once a girl had stood, now there was a lady who could move about in society with impunity.

“Are you ready, River?” Inara asked, a proud smile on her face.

“Thank you, Inara. I believe I am,” River answered, carefully remembering her speech lessons. She wanted to impress Helene because, in many ways, she had been more influential on who River became than Regan ever was. The twinkle of a teardrop at the corner of Inara’s eye made River’s heart float with happiness. She reached out and hugged the Companion close, trying to convey her thanks.

When she stepped into the gangway from Inara’s shuttle, she passed Wash and Zoe heading to their bunk from the pilot’s seat. At first, neither seemed to notice as they walked, but suddenly Zoe stopped, mid-step, and turned. Her dark brown eyes widened to the size of saucers as her husband’s jaw hung open. Neither seemed capable of speech, though Zoe kept opening her mouth as though she were about to say something. River began to feel self-conscious about how she was dressed and wanted to flee back to her bunk, but then Wash seemed to regain his senses.

“Miss Tam, you are radiant.” He tilted his head in a nod of respect, and River broke into a wide smile.

“Thank you,” she answered with a laugh. “You don’t think it’s too much?”

“River, sweetheart, whoever you are meeting this morning will never be the same. You are going to ruin them for anyone else,” Zoe answered with a wink before grabbing her husband’s hand and dragging him down to their bunk. River heard some distinctly identifiable noises before the bulkhead closed.

She grinned to herself, her step even lighter than before now that she’d been paid such a compliment, and made her way to the cargo bay. She didn’t see anyone else from the crew, but that wasn’t unusual. They’d probably all been scattered to the four corners of Persephone at the first light. She opened her parasol, intended to protect her from the sun while she walked, and stepped onto the dirt. A moment later, a rickshaw approached and informed her Helene had sent him to take her to her breakfast. River felt like royalty as the rickshaw operator assisted her into the seat and provided her with a fresh _gānjú_ water. It took less than ten minutes to arrive in front of a home River couldn’t quite picture Helene living in. It was older and had the appearance of being somewhat careworn, as though it were a grand old dame long past her glory. The glass was hazy, the steps slightly uneven, and the entryway appeared tired. River shook herself, mentally chastising herself for judging when she, herself, lived on a careworn ship. But Serenity was a home; this felt more like a house.

She entered and was greeted by Helene herself. Helene had always been a beautiful woman with a warm smile and a mischievous twinkle in her eye; River was thrilled to find she hadn’t changed much at all. She embraced the older woman, remembering fondly of how they would sometimes sit in her parents’ home and just talk about everything and nothing. Conversation was important, she’d been taught, and you had to know how to carry one.

“River Tam. You have no idea how lovely it is to see you again. I never thought I’d see you again,” Helene said, embracing her once more. “Come sit. I want to hear all about what you’ve been doing.”

Helene led the way into a parlor, where River could see tea service had been set up with cakes and fruits. The furniture, much like the rest of the house, seemed worn but not quite threadbare. River sat in one of the parlor chairs while Helene prepared tea for both of them, presenting a warmed teacup with a citrus rind at the bottom and a cake on the side once finished.

“You remembered!” River exclaimed, surprised.

Helene laughed and gently placed her palm on River’s shoulder. “Of course, sweetheart. River you have always been the best of my girls, which means I keep you close to my heart. I bet I remember things you’ve forgotten about growing up.”

River took a sip of her tea, hiding the wince that came with a truth too close to home. There were things she couldn’t remember, lost to whatever Berend had done to her. There were also things she did remember, but she knew somehow it wasn’t her memory. She blinked the memories away forcibly, concentrating on Helene and the conversation.

“Your home is lovely. When did you come to Persephone?”

Someone less observant would have missed the twitch at the corner of Helene’s mouth. Someone less attentive would not have seen the dimming of the light in her eye. Someone less sharp would have lost the slightly bitter taste to her tea with her next sip, which alerted her to the danger she was in.

“I came several years ago after I left Sihnon. I lost my taste for Guild politics and contracted with someone here. He gave me this house before his passing, and I decided to remain.”

River held her teacup in her lap, fingers delicately holding the bone china by its lip. She was trying to identify what was bitter, but her body seemed to have other ideas. She lost motor control, watching as the teacup and saucer tumbled to the floor at her feet before she could think of stopping them. Her mind was sharp, but her reactions were dulled, and she could barely raise her hand to protect herself. Her eyes stung, as though she hadn’t slept in weeks, but her mind was whirling in her head.

“Whaaa …,” she slurred as Helene stood and picked up what she’d dropped.

“As I said, you were always one of my best girls, River. And, quite frankly, I had thought Matias was onto something with your training. Such a shame all those resources and credits went to waste when your _báichī_ brother stole you away,” Helene answered, her steps quickening to the doorway leading into the kitchen. “And when Matias lost you, I was cut off from the funding he’d provided. To be honest, I’ve been looking for you since Simon kidnapped you, and I am so very looking forward to getting you back into the training circuit.”

River watched in horror as Berend and his father stepped into the parlor from the kitchen. She wanted to scream, but the noise was too large to escape her throat. She tried to claw her way free, but her limbs felt too heavy to move. For the first time in years, River Tam did the only thing she could do.

She cried.


	9. Chapter 9

When the captain told the crew they was spendin’ a few days on Persephone, Jayne headed for his room to check his credits. Others were buzzing with their own excitement, Jayne heard mentions of their plans, but his mind was focused on one thing. Madame Bao’s Teahouse. He had enough credit that he could hire a hot bath and a whore to relax for an afternoon, somethin’ he could very much look forward to. Dry showers was fine in space, but a hot tub was a luxury, no matter who you were. He sent a message off to the _zumu_ of the teahouse, hoping woman Jayne had visited with during their last visit would still be available. He tried to hide his disappointment when, once again, he was told the woman he wanted had moved on; made easier by another message, this one from Madame Bao herself, promising to have something special for him when he arrived. Jayne wasn’t a VIP, but he always treated the women with respect, didn’t rough them up, and remembered his manners whenever he was at the teahouse. That counted for somethin’ apparently. In his bunk, later that night, he couldn’t stop his hand from reaching into his shorts as he fantasized about a golden-haired, voluptuous beauty riding his cock to exhaustion.

The next few days were spent preparin’ Serenity for docking, which included cargo organization; preparing cargo meant for trade, storing cargo that would be going onto another stop with them, and hiding any load that wasn’t supposed to be found. While he was working, he happened to overhear more of what the rest of the crew’s plans were. He knew the captain was plannin’ on spending most of their time hustlin’ for jobs, Kaylee was spendin’ her time trying to find parts for Serenity, and Inara said something about another Companion that lived on the planet. And every night, Jayne was in his bunk, fantasizing about the teahouse. Neither River nor the Doctor said anything about having plans, but that wasn’t usual. The Alliance still had a missing persons report on River and a kidnapping charge against her brother. Jayne knew they spent most of their time in their quarters whenever the boat was planetside. Which was why, the morning they landed, Jayne was not prepared for what he saw.

Jayne had rushed to the cargo area as soon as he heard the engines turn towards the lower pitch that indicated docking. He wanted to hurry through everything he needed to do so he’d have the time to relax before washing up for the teahouse, and he’d just finished securing one of the smuggler’s holds when his eye was caught by something out of the ordinary. A flash of ruby red and the upsweep of a fine woman’s hair weren’t anythin’ that should be on the ship unescorted. He was readying to finish the leap down to the cargo floor behind her when he noticed her face as she looked over her shoulder, up towards where he usually watched her from. River Tam, dressed like the finest of Alliance Society, was wearing that same, terrifying smile that showed true joy in her eyes. His breath caught in his throat as he watched her jump down from the passenger platform to the floor of the bay, and he caught sight of her slippers. He didn’t know what about the slippers made them shockproof, but he’d seen her wearing them while she danced almost every night and he knew they were reinforced somehow. He held his breath as she walked across the cargo bay, his eyes drinking in every tiny detail. Even dressed as she was, he could see the slight adjustments to accommodate for freedom of movement and noticed her hair pinned back with something that looked like barrettes. She turned her face towards the sunlight and squinted for a moment before a rickshaw driver approached. Jayne finished the leap down to the cargo floor and headed towards the rear smuggler’s hatch, concentrating on what still needed to be done instead of the disturbing twitch of something foreign in his gut.

He took his time with his grooming, polished up his best pair of boots, and was headed towards Madame Bao’s by mid-day. He passed through many vendor booths along the way, barely registering any of their wares until he came across a smith with a pair of polished steel chopsticks that appeared to be sharpened at the ends. They were unique enough Jayne haggled him down a few credits before making the exchange and walking away with the sticks packed carefully to be brought to Serenity immediately. By the time he arrived at the teahouse, Madame Bao was waiting for him at the entrance.

“Zoashang, Jayne,” the zumu greeted him with a warm smile.

“Mornin’ Zumu Bao,” he grinned as he replied, bowing respectfully.

“I felt awful that, for the second time, I had managed to let slip your favourite of my girls. I knew I had to do something to make up for it, and I thought you might like to meet one of my new girls, Saffron. A girl I can promise you ain’t goin’ nowhere,” the woman said with a grin.

“A promise? That sounds interestin’, so I’ll bite. How do you know this one won’t run?”

“She’s family, bound to take over for me someday.”

Jayne smirked at the woman, now that they were inside the teahouse and the doors were closed, risked saying what first came to mind.

“You mean someone actually managed to get you down long enough to get you pregnant?” He, smartly, sucked in his gut as she swung at him in jest.

“Don’t be ridiculous. She’s my brother’s daughter, and she’s come here to learn the family business,” Bao answered, managing to hold in her laugh as she stepped to the side to allow a ginger-haired _Zuì_ to come into the light. He never knew that a person could embody the word sin before Saffron stood in front of him and smiled.

She weren’t no taller than his shoulders with wild ginger and gold hair and had lips made for doin downright filthy things. She took a step back, rolling her shoulders back so he could take stock of every inch of her body. She had curves that almost didn’t look human, and he could already envision how she’d look on her knees, riding him. He could see the promise in her eyes as plain as he could see the whisper of crazy. And his Maa always taught him when that combination showed up, you were smart to take a giant step back. For this, he was almost willing to silence that voice of his Maa, just this once, but he had a sudden realization. His reactions were all in his head. He hadn’t even twitched in his trousers, and this woman was the embodiment of every fantasy he’d ever had. Now he was in trouble. Here she was bein’ offered up special but, for some reason, his cock had no interest. How the fuck was he gonna turn down a gift like this without insultin’ everyone?

 


	10. Chapter 10

“Buy a girl a drink, Jayne?” Saffron invited, extending her hand towards his. He grinned in response, allowing her to lead him away to the bar while he hoped maybe a drink or two might wake his pàntú cock up. He sat her down at one of the intimate tables at the side of the pub and bought two bottles for each of them. He carried the first round and arranged for the second to be delivered when her drink got down to half. As he took his seat beside her, his arm automatically went behind her shoulders to pull her close, and he noticed she wore a perfume similar to what the last whore had worn. His stomach began to turn with how easily they felt they could play him. He was about to be offended when Saffron reached across the table, laid her hand on his, and asked, “Who is she?”

The question brought him up short because there was no ‘she,’ at least not in a sense he knew she meant. There weren’t no one he was strokin’ his dick thinkin’ about, except for the fantasies he’d had on his way here. He explained as much, but he saw the smile on the woman’s face, and it confused him.

“I didn’t ask who you were fantasizing about. I asked who she is. There’s someone; I’d bet my tits on it,” the woman replied, pinning him with a knowing look.

He thought for a moment, rejecting the obvious because that was just ridiculous, and couldn’t come up with anything else. Except, as he previously thought, it was ridiculous. All he did was watch her dance.

“Her!”

The exclamation from the woman seated across from him startled Jayne, almost causing him to spill his drink. He scowled as he wrenched his body to save his drink, grabbing it from mid-air.

“Whoever you were just thinking of. Who is she?” Saffron pressed.

“No one. A passenger on the same boat,” he lied.

“Who is she?” Jayne raised his head to look into her eyes, prepared to tell her off for mocking him, and was shocked to find open curiosity and a subtle daring in her tone. He swallowed hard, and took a breath, looking at the woman in front of him. It weren’t so much that he trusted her as it was that he knew whores weren’t known for tellin’ tales out of turn.

“Little sister of a crew member. She’s tiny but crazy, with a temper that shows up outta nowhere. To look at her, a strong breeze could blow her over.”

“What is it you admire about her?” Saffron pressed, her thumb rubbing against Jayne’s.

“Her dancing. When she moves, one step to the next, and follows through, it’s beautiful,” Jayne confessed. He had come to love watching her go through her nightly dancing, wondering who it was she fought in her mind. From what Jayne had seen, she was merciful to her enemy; never taking more than one blow to end their lives. If he were honest with himself, this was what had attracted him initially. She was ruthless in her pursuit, even the imagined ones.

“She sounds beautiful. What does she look like?” Saffron asked, and Jayne took a moment to ensure he got the details right.

“Five-foot-six, dark hair and eyes,” he began before focusing on the finer details, “thin, but strong. The kind of woman that takes no shit. And when she dances, the devastation is beautiful.”

Saffron smiled brightly and squeezed his hand. “I think I know someone you might want to meet.” Before she’d finished speaking, she was standing from the table. “I’m going to see if she’s available.”

Less than a heartbeat later, Saffron had disappeared among the bar crowd, and Jayne was left wondering what kind of girl she would be bringing back. The description had been as accurate as possible, without giving away too much of who she was. He nursed his drink as he waited, alternating between sips of booze and plain water until Saffron returned, five minutes later. It was at that moment all the oxygen in the room dried up, and he forgot how to human.  

“This is Imogen,” she’d said as she introduced them. The girl beside Saffron was barely five-foot-six, but she had dark hair, and dark eyes, along with a mysterious smile. He couldn’t find enough air to breathe, let alone make the noises with the words. She was whip-thin, but something about the way she carried herself made her seem larger.

“Hi. I’m Jayne,” he finally managed to swallow past the shock, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He held out a hand to her and offered her a seat, before turning back for Saffron.

She smiled but stepped away. “I’ll leave you to get to know each other. We can talk again later if you’d like.” He nodded absently and sat down opposite Imogen, not sure what to say. She made it easy for him by sliding around to the seat beside him, getting close enough that he could smell the clove and honey of her skin. Now he had no blood in his body, and he couldn’t breathe; that aroma filling his nose and causing his cock to harden so swiftly, he felt almost lightheaded.

“She did not do you justice when she was telling me about you. You are nine kinds of delicious,” she whispered in Jayne’s ear. He felt her hand slide down to his thigh, their bodies close enough to be touching everywhere, and he leaned forward to kiss her. Her lips were soft, and he could taste the sugar she’d lined her mouth with, and he pulled her closer, slotted up against his larger frame. She growled when he pulled back, and he knew there weren’t no way in the ‘verse he weren’t takin’ her to bed right now. He stood up, held his hand out for Imogen to take, and followed her through the parlor to a room upstairs. He couldn’t contain himself another second, and he reached down to her hips and lifted her up, encouraging her to wrap her legs around his waist. Her body fit against his, and he pressed his face to her neck, getting drunk on the scent of her. She rolled her hips against his when he ran his tongue along the side of her neck, and they both hissed in pleasure. She climbed down from his waist and was already stripping out of her dress before he managed to open his eyes. He stripped just as quickly, unable to even pretend he wasn’t hungry for her.

His hands were in her hair, feeling for the braid to let her hair loose, and he caught a glimpse of her, on her knees in front of him. As she reached for his cock, his entire body twitched, and he had to close his eyes or embarrass himself. A moment later, when her hand wrapped around his cock and began stroking, he almost fell back into her bed. Her fingers were slick as she stroked him lightly, working the lube all over his cock and balls. When he opened his eyes again, he watched as she rolled her hips when she straddled him, and he brought his hands to her hips, grinding up against her.

“I ain’t meanin’ to be rude, but you’ve got me in a state, Gen,” he looked up at the woman and grinned.

“Be rude, Jayne. We’ve got all afternoon,” she encouraged, teasing the head of his cock against her cunt. He growled loud enough he was sure the crew of Serenity could hear when she inched down, little by little. And she was the one growling even louder a moment later, after he’d gripped her hips tight enough to leave impressions, and pushed all the way in. The medilube the tearoom provided ensured that it was slick enough to prevent most common injuries and also provided an extra layer of protection against disease and pregnancy.

The shocked sound Gen made when he seated himself fully inside of her caused his cock to twitch again, and he grinned up at her. “What’s to say you’ll be walkin’ again after this?”

“What’s to say you will?” She challenged him, milking his cock inside of her, and rising up so he could see half his length as it pulsed inside of her. She made to sit down just as he pulled her down from the hips and began to piston his cock inside of her. She grabbed onto him, locking her legs behind her, and stared him right in the eye. “Fuck me, Jayne.”

She began to roll her hips, rising and falling against him as they fucked each other. He rolled her onto her back, and she pinned her legs over his shoulders, pulling him down to kiss him while he fucked her. She ran her hands over his head, nails tickling his scalp, as he felt his cock being milked again. He slid his cock almost all the way out and leaned away from her. “Ride me.” In a flash, she was straddling him again, and his cock slammed up into her. Her body bounced with the force of his thrust, and he felt her cunt squeezing down hard. He did it a second time, and then a third before she came down hard and held him there while she rode him deep and long until her orgasm slammed into her all at once. She was still cumming when Jayne started fucking her harder, his balls so tight he thought they was gonna fall off. It took barely thirty seconds before Jayne was pounding his cum deep inside Gen. She was staring at him, her eyes telling him she was still twitching, and he couldn’t help it. He slid his hand around her thigh and began to press and roll her clitoris. Her legs went stick-straight, and her entire body vibrated as she came again.

He grinned as he helped her put her legs back down, and whispered in her ear, “You’ll notice which one of us is havin’ the trouble with the walkin’ thing.”

She threw a pillow at him and laughed.  


	11. Chapter 11

Jayne ended up spendin’ most of the afternoon at Madame Bao’s teahouse, and all of that with Gen. He’d left a few coins for Saffron, same as he did for the Madame, as a thank you on his way out the door. He was whistlin’ to himself as he made his way back to Serenity. Gen was a damn fine woman, with a wicked imagination, and a sharp sense of humor. He’d spent as much time sweatin’ inside of her as he had laughin’ with her over somethin’ one of ‘em said. Weren’t hard to relax with her, which was nice.

At the boat, he took his hands out of his pockets and intentionally rolled his shoulders forward, as though he were annoyed with something you better not ask him about. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his fellow travelers, he just didn’t like hearin’ about what other people did when they wasn’t together. That was weird, like recapping your day. His Maa said it was a holdover custom from Earth-That-Was. He told her it was a dumb holdover, and she’d laughed as she agreed with her nine-year-old child.

“We live in the moment, my son, not in the past. What’s done is behind us, we have no idea what the ‘verse will hand us tomorrow, but right here, it’s you and me. And right here is always where you are,” she’d whispered in his ear that night before tucking him into bed. She’d kissed his forehead, whispered her prayers over him, and closed the curtain to his sleeping area.

As predicted, no one bothered him as he came aboard, went down to his quarters to change clothes, check on the delivery of his purchase, and returned to the cargo area to help loadin’ a few things up. He half kept his eye open to see if River was walkin’ around or if he’d catch a glimpse of her as she returned, but he didn’t see her. He shrugged, assuming either she slipped past him or would return to the boat later. At Last Meal, she wasn’t present, either. That was odd, even by River’s standards. There was one thing that girl could do, other than dance, was eat. He joked once with her, in a whisper next to the table at First meal, that he was pretty sure she was stalkin’ them chickens for when they laid their eggs so she could get the freshest ones. She’d turned and looked at him, her expression unreadable, and he’d felt like he was about to get kicked.

“Do you honestly not know I have them trained to lay a certain number of eggs at a scheduled hour?”

He’d almost peed himself laughin’ over that one.

##

Jayne was prowling the cargo deck, pacing back and forth along the support beams, watching. It had been a day and a half since anyone had seen or heard from River and the entire boat was wired up. When she still hadn’t returned for First meal the following morning, even Simon had looked concerned. Inara assured him that she had checked Helene’s credentials personally, and assumed River was probably just caught up in the happier memories of her childhood.

Mid-day saw even Inara looking slightly concerned. Last meal saw everyone alarmed and planning. Inara had tried to contact Helene through her communicator, but there was something wrong with the signal. She couldn’t get through. Jayne was sitting perfectly still, eyes closed, as he tried to remember what had happened right after she’d opened that umbrella thing. He remembered her shading her eyes, and lookin’ towards the east, but he also thought he saw the rickshaw head southwest, which was opposite the way she was lookin’. The rickshaw driver had been a faceless nobody to him at that point, but now he was trying to remember what he’d looked like.

He’d gone behind the basket, to open a cooler that had actual ice in it, and poured water over some kind of fruit before handing it to River. When he’d turned back to the cooler, Jayne had seen his face, and he recalled small eyes, a wide forehead, wide chin, and a white scar at the side of his nose that ran to his lip. The scar had puckered oddly and made it look like his nose was melting down to his chin. He waited til everyone calmed down before lettin’ them know he could find the rickshaw driver that took her.  Everyone was shocked into silence and turned their heads to look at him.

“What?”

“You … want to help? Without asking for money?” Wash looked stunned.

Jayne smirked, lookin’ at each of them as he replied, “You think I’m gonna give up a chance at killin’ somethin’ today?”

“Fair enough,” the captain answered.

From that, he told them what he could remember from when he noticed her walking into the cargo bay, how she’d turned east but ended in a rickshaw headed southwest. Inara looked up the address of where River was supposed to be going, and volunteered to make a professional check-in on Helene. A way of seeing if River was even in need of assistance without sending up any red flags. The captain asked Jayne to go with her, make sure nothin’ funny was going on, and he rolled his eyes, making a half-hearted attempt at not being included, but was more looking forward to it. Him bein’ the last person to see her was on his head. Simon would be a fucking disaster to live with on the boat, and Jayne might kill him just to shut him up. That was bound to piss off Kaylee, so he was tryin’ to avoid it.

He was headin’ back to his quarters to change when Inara called him up to her shuttle. He froze right where he stood. In all the years they been flyin, he ain’t never been in her shuttle, and it’s a strange thing when reality shifts like that. It took him a second or two and then he pivoted himself toward the shuttle. He knocked at the entrance and waited for her to welcome him in before stepping over. He felt too big and awkward, and consciously tried to keep from movin’ around too much.

She smiled at him, and walked over to a cabinet, pulling out somethin’ as black as space. “I thought it might be easiest, and best, if I introduce you as my manservant. That way, it wouldn’t be suspect that you would be wherever I am, nor that you would be armed. It’s quite common for Companions to hire security, or to use manservants, some of whom are serving out debts they owed.”

Jayne couldn’t blink, even if he were about to go blind. She was suggestin’ that he go as some sort of arme … oh. Armed. His face relaxed into a smile. He could bring Vera.

“I know that look, Jayne, and no. You cannot bring her.”

“Why not?”

“Because she’s a little conspicuous. The idea is that they will briefly check you for weapons, but with one small enough, in the hands of a manservant who is bound to me for protection, wouldn’t be unheard of. I know how you shoot, Jayne. I could give you a single shot and you’d still manage to hit three targets.”

Jayne had opened his mouth to argue, but stopped at the compliment. He grinned at her and nodded, “Well, now that is the truth. Okay, how big can I take?”

“There’s, uhm, one more thing, Jayne,” she began, setting the suit to the side and coming to stand beside him. “A manservant is sometimes used for, let’s say, intimate pleasures?”

Jayne nodded, feelin’ like he was the giant in the tiny house again. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what she was gonna say next because he was just barely startin’ to get over his afternoon with Gen.

“Thank the ‘verse you have a better poker face than that when it counts. I’m not suggesting, in any way, that we …,” she gestured between the two of them, “are … going to engage like that. No, I was going to tell you that I have the specific soap that I have used in the past when I’ve kept a manservant for that purpose and I wanted to know if you would prefer to be seen as available for sexual favor or unavailable?”

His jaw snapped shut, he blinked a few times, and straightened up his spine. “As much as I know I will regret this for the rest of my days, un,” he managed to choke out. He could almost feel his own cock slapping him, and he saw the relieved smile on Inara’s face. He wondered what he might be missing out on. But he’d already committed, and he did not want to live with Simon. “What am I gonna have to know as your scented manservant?” He finished the last with a smirk, and they both laughed.

“Thank you, Jayne. That laugh was much needed. Okay, so duties of a bound manservant are fairly easy. You do what I tell you. No matter what happens, no matter what situation you find yourself in, you obey whatever I’ve told you to do in that situation. If you are doing something that I’ve asked, and someone questions you, you send them to me. It’s fairly simple, and dependent on who holds your bond. There are some Companions out there who take a … less civilized approach to their manservant,” her mouth curled, as though she’d eaten something bitter, “Now, for the fun part. These few are going to be difficult for you, I think, so I want to warn you ahead of time. Because you and I are bound, you would be very comfortable with me touching you. Brushing your arm, stroking your leg, leaning against you. It’s a very intimate relationship, so I promise to keep my touch to a bare minimum, you tell me where you are comfortable having me touch you. Also, it’s Ma’am. At all times.  If you forget, I will have to reprimand you in order to save my place among them so that we can find River, if she is, indeed in trouble. Please don’t snark back.”

Jayne thought for a moment, looked at the suit, and nodded. “Yeah, I can remember that. But, does it gotta be Ma’am?”

“Well that is the usual honorific, why?”

“Madame is … uhh … you know,” he flushed a little, tripping over his words. This was always what happened when he was around her. He made an ass of himself.

“Madame is perfectly acceptable. I’m sure Zumu Bao would be as honored as I am in the comparison,” she winked as she spoke. When he gaped again, she chuckled. “Madame Bao is a trained Companion, though no longer licensed. She’s a good provider for her girls, and she has a stellar reputation among those few Companions who travel through this side of the ‘verse.”


	12. Chapter 12

She stood at the entrance to the room, waiting for permission to enter. Something inside of her, buried deep beneath the fog of her sessions with Doctor Mathias, was clawing at her, demanding she not do this, that she has a choice. Serenity would help her, Serenity would save her. She tilted her head slightly, recalling the phrase, and tested it on her lips, “Serenity will help her, Serenity will save her.” She smiled at the warmth that spread throughout her body, deciding that was a happy thought. Just as quickly, she tucked the information away so the Doctor couldn’t get it. Her thoughts were her thoughts, and she wanted to savor them. Her lips returned to the gentle smile that was preferred, and she relaxed her face into a placid mask. She waited until invited to enter the room, and stood before Doctor Mathias, and Berend.

“Today, we wish for a performance. It has been so long since we have seen you dance, and was indeed one of the things we missed. Now that you’re home again, you can take up your training back. Dance for us,” the doctor instructed as he stepped to the side that would allow her entry to their training space.

It was nothing more than a padded version of the cargo bay, except that these posts and boxes didn’t move around occasionally, as cargo was loaded and unloaded. She stood at the beginning, eyeballing the course, and determining how she would move before she took her first step. It was almost childishly simple, so unless there were traps, this wouldn’t take very long. She readied herself, but before she could move, the doctor put his hand on her shoulder and stopped her.

“No, my dear. This course is laughable to anyone that has your experience, even if you haven’t engaged in a single dance since we separated, but it’s helpful for me. Berend,” the doctor looked at his son, “get the paint, please.”

He turned back to River and smiled. “You’re going to strip down to your skin, and we are going to paint you in a substance that reacts to the material every surface in that room is made from. If you would like to earn your bed this evening, you will dance through this room without leaving a mark anywhere except the floor.”

She glanced at the room, recalculating how she would move and nodded. Something inside of her flailed once again, clawing its way to the surface and demanding she stop doing this, but she forced herself to repeat her mantra to herself, in her brain, “Serenity will help her, Serenity will save her.” Her fingers shook as she reached for her hair, securing it in a plait, but she ignored it behind Doctor Mathias’ training. The substance was cold as it was painted onto her skin, and she exhaled very slowly after the first application. Her training came back to her, compartmentalizing her pain into another place for later. By the third stroke, she could no longer feel the temperature, and she contemplated what would happen if she obeyed the voice that whispered she should fight. Her training insisted she stay, her instinct told her to run, and something beneath all of that told her to fight. She blinked several times, trying to focus on one emotion, to pick one and use that energy, but the doctor noticed, and they stopped.

“What’s wrong, River?”

“Nothing,” she lied.

“Do I need to fetch my answers, River?”

River’s mouth went dry as the memory of how the doctor got his answers from reluctant minds, and she was already shaking her head no.

“I’m glad you remembered. Now, tell me what is wrong so we can adjust it for you,” Doctor Mathias encouraged, his tone almost paternal.

“I’m having trouble focusing. My training is having difficulty overcoming my instinct, and I think I’m … angry?” She answered automatically, preferring the punishment for the truth over the one that would result from his going after the answer. The expression on his face became curious, and he came around to stand in front of her.

“What do you mean? Your training is your instinct, we trained you that way.”

“Training can overwrite instinct, but it doesn’t replace it. The primal will only tolerate so much,” River answered. In her head, she scowled to herself because it wasn’t exactly how she’d meant to say it.

“Perhaps we need to schedule extra sessions. I’d like to help you analyze this,” Mathias said with a smile. River knew what he meant, even in her current state. Sessions with the doctor included the chair, which held her perfectly still, no matter how hard her brain told her body to move and thrash. Meetings with the doctor also included the headache that came after; several hours of needing to be in an absolute quiet, absolute dark room.

She scowled as she tried to focus on what she’d meant to say, and the words continued to slip away. She furrowed her brow in frustration, able to clearly see herself explaining what she’d intended to say, but when she tried to vocalize it, the words jumped. Failure led to anger; anger led to adrenaline. Adrenaline caused her to break free of both men and glide through her dance with ease, her fingers reaching to snap the necks of those faceless individuals that she needed to free. She danced around each of them, allowing them to see their own death before she delivered it, and River smiled as she danced onto the next. She danced with grace, ensuring each target before giving her merciful blow, and when she reached the end of them, she stopped to admire her mercy.

Doctor Mathias and Berend were there in an instant with her clothes, encouraging her to dress. Though she pretended to concentrate on her buttons, she listened to the two men talking.

“Not a single trace, Berend. She left two footprints on the floor, but she’s wearing her slippers. Other than that, you’d never know she’d been through here. In my most _fēng_ dreams, I’d never thought she’d be so efficient. Perhaps it was fortuitous that she ran away,” Mathias commented, his voice filled with awe.

“Her time was off the charts. She ran the room in less than two minutes,” Berend responded.

“Our little _wudao_ has been practicing while she’s been away. That kind of improvement shows her instinct is precisely where it should be. Maybe a few extra sessions over the next few days, and we’ll have her ready. Then we can breed her to see if the gene therapy worked.”

River’s stomach dropped as she listened to them. Gene therapy? She had no idea what he was talking about, but something inside of her cracked at its mention. From the look on Mathias’ face, something dark and sick woke inside of her and she wanted to throw up.


End file.
